


excuse you but it's a fantastic tie

by villiageidiot



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-05 15:14:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1095510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/villiageidiot/pseuds/villiageidiot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn wants some beer, Puck wants his effing cookies, Sam likes the Nerf Gun and Blaine's in love with a bowtie.  (Or: A Dirty Santa / White Elephant Christmas party)</p>
            </blockquote>





	excuse you but it's a fantastic tie

“Blaine,” Mike says flatly. “What is that?”

Blaine looks down at the picture frame in his hands. “A picture frame?”

“Quirky fun gifts,” Mike tells him as they’re both still standing in the doorway to Mike’s house. “That’s what people bring to these things. Not really nice, classy looking frames.”

“I couldn’t bring myself to buy a Snuggie,” Blaine says with a frown. “And plus, it’s not _that_ classy.”

Mike stares at him, unconvinced, and says, “It’s engraved glass.” Blaine didn’t read the invitation; Mike’s sure of it. He _never_ reads the invitation.

Blaine sighs and fumbles around with something in his bag before tugging out his brother’s most recent head shot. He slides it into the frame and meets Mike’s eyes. “How about this?” he asks tentatively. “A framed picture of the insurance-commercial-singing-sensation Cooper Anderson.”

“Better, I guess,” Mike says, finally letting Blaine into the house.

:

“Kurt,” Mike says flatly. “What is that?”

Kurt holds out the tie but Mike doesn’t make an effort to take it from him. “A bowtie?”

“Quirky fun gifts,” Mike sighs. “How are people not understanding that? You can’t bring a _silk bowtie_.”

Kurt scoffs. “It has candy canes on it. Who could possibly want that? How much quirkier could I get?”

Mike stares at him, expressionless. Dirty Santa parties should not be this difficult. His _friends_ should not be this difficult.

“What, you expected a bedazzled Snuggie?” Kurt asks skeptically. “No. Just _no_ , Mike.”

“Fine,” he says, allowing Kurt to follow him into the house.

: : :

“So there’s this guy I know from work,” Sam tells Blaine as they stand a few feet away from one of the food tables in the dining room. “I saw him here.”

Blaine briefly side-eyes him but then seems to decide it’s another one of Sam’s stories that he doesn’t need to take seriously.

“No, wait,” Sam says. “Actually take me seriously on this one.”

Blaine gives him a considering stare. “Like how you wanted me to take you seriously after you watched _The Planet of the Apes_? Or how you wanted me to take you seriously after you watched _The Day After Tomorrow?”_

Sam’s face turns serious. “Global warming _is_ happening, Blaine.” Sam concedes that there probably won’t be an ape revolution anytime in the near future but he can’t understand why people don’t take global warning a little more seriously. “And Ohio was above the evacuation line, in case you forgot. They wouldn’t have even _tried_ to save us.”

“Okay, fine, it’s happening,” Blaine sighs. “I’m going to get a soda.”

“Hear me out,” Sam says, following him. “I think he’s totally your type.”

“Gay?” Blaine asks. “Because that seems to be your sole requirement when you think someone is my type.”

“No, dude, this guy is a _model_. And smart. I can’t follow half of what he says.”

Sam knows Blaine is one of the only people that wouldn’t even think to say _that’s doesn’t really mean much coming from you_.

Blaine shakes his head to himself. “I’m going to get my soda.”

:

“So there’s this guy I know from high school,” Sam tells Kurt while they both stand in the kitchen. “I saw him here.”

Kurt gives him a haughty stare. “And?” Sam can tell that Kurt seems to think it’s another one of those stories Sam tells that go absolutely _nowhere._ “Or is that the end of your story?”

“No,” Sam says defensively. “I was going to say that I want to introduce you two.”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “Like how you wanted to introduce me to the _straight_ director from our _GQ_ shoot? Or how you wanted to introduce me to the _straight_ director from our _Vogue_ shoot?”

“How was _I_ supposed to know? They weren’t wearing wedding rings!”

“Sure,” Kurt says, annoyed. “Easy mistake.”

“Hear me out,” Sam says, following Kurt to the veggie tray. “I know for sure this one’s gay. Like, the kind that dates guys. And has sex with guys.”

“Oh, well why didn’t you say so?” he asks. “Now I _have_ to meet him.”

“And he’s nice. Everyone likes him,” Sam continues. “Plus, he’s smart.”

Kurt looks over at him briefly. He opens his mouth then shuts it immediately and Sam knows he was seconds away from saying _that doesn’t really mean much coming from you_.

“I need to grab some vegetables,” Kurt says instead, leaving Sam standing there.

: : :

“I found someone for you to have sex with,” Puck says from the hallway as Blaine comes out of the bathroom. “He’s single. And a _dude.”_

“No,” Blaine says as politely as possible, “but thank you; I appreciate the thought.” Then he practically sprints down the stairs to get away.

:

“I found someone for you to have sex with,” Puck says from the hallway as Kurt comes out of the bathroom. “He’s single. And a _dude.”_

“No,” Kurt says disdainfully, “and please never say that again.” He gives Puck a withering look before making his way down the stairs.

: : :

“What are you _wearing_?” Santana asks Blaine with a look of disgust. “Is that seriously a bowtie with Christmas trees? God, you two are made for each other. You’ll have obnoxious babies with terrible cement hair and creepy pale skin.”

Blaine gives her a confused look. “ _Who_ is made for me?”

“Another one of the regulars at the diner that’s here tonight,” she says, sounding bored. “But I’m now realizing that introducing you is a _terrible_ idea. The image of you two holding hands and singing show tunes while wearing _that_ ,” she says, vaguely gesturing to his tailored pants and his simple gray sweater vest, “is disturbing and I won’t expose the rest of the world to having to see it.”

She walks away and Blaine stares after her, even more confused.

:

“What are you _wearing_?” Santana asks Kurt with a look of scorn. “A hippo pin?”

“It’s a rhinoceros —” he corrects.

“God, your kids will be like an even creepier Von Trapp family — singing while they wear matching clothes that you made from dishtowels or the living room carpet —”

Kurt gives her a wary look. “What does that mean? Whose kids?” he asks.

“Another one of the regulars at the diner that’s here. I changed my mind again,” she says. “Exposing this,” she says, gesturing to his green pants and laced up boots, “and that,” she adds, waving vaguely to something in the next room, “to the rest of the world is cruel but if you’re dating _each other_ then at least it spares the rest of us.”

“What?” Kurt says as she turns to walk away. Kurt stares after her, even more wary.

: : :

“So there’s this guy in the next room,” Artie tells him, rolling into the living room where Blaine’s chilling by the soda again. “And he’s got the classic beauty look. You know, defined jaw, artfully styled coif, crystal blue eyes —”

“Okay,” Blaine cuts him off, sounding a little weirded out and giving him an odd look. “Got it.”

Artie just moved into this guy’s apartment complex three weeks ago and yeah, maybe they’ve only met each other like twice but hey, that doesn’t mean he can’t try to help a brother out. Plus, it’s total set up for the new indie romcom he’s trying to write/direct and he wants to see how it plays out because he doesn’t quite have an ending yet.

“I’m just saying,” Artie says with a shrug, “If I was into guys, I wouldn’t throw a stick at _that one_ , if you know what I mean.”

“Yes, I think I do,” Blaine says with a strained smile. “It sounds like everyone’s getting together to start the gift exchange, though, so — maybe we should go. And — you know, do that.”

Artie shrugs again and watches him hurry from the room. No one appreciates indie films anymore.

:

“So there’s this guy in the other room,” Artie tells him, rolling into the kitchen where Kurt’s standing by the veggie tray again. “Total iconic dreamboat-type. The sweater vest, a neatly styled retro-fifties hair, goldenly dreamy eyes —”

“Oh god, Artie,” Kurt interrupts with a pained expression. “Stop talking. Wherever you’re going with that, just stop.”

Artie hasn’t seen him since high school, sure, but it doesn’t mean he can’t try and give Kurt’s love life a boost. Old-school glee club kids, they stand by each other. Plus, he’s trying to write an epic, groundbreaking, controversial, Oscar-worthy love story of two kids in love in the fifties. These two have the _exact_ vibe he’s been visualizing in his head so if he gets them in the same room, he thinks maybe inspiration will strike.

“If I had a thing for guys,” Artie continues, ignoring Kurt’s protests, “I wouldn’t kick _this_ one out of bed. If you know what I mean.”

“Yes, I _do_ , unfortunately, which is why — _please_ stop talking,” he says, chagrined. “Let’s go find everyone else.”

Artie frowns and watches him hurry from the room. No one appreciates controversial Oscar-worthy movies anymore.

: : :

In the end, though, it’s Finn.

: : :

“That’s a six-pack of beer,” Finn leans over to whisper to Kurt. “But with _reindeer antlers_ on top.”

“I know,” Kurt says grimacing. “How classy, right?”

“Right,” Finn agrees. “That’s _awesome_.”

Kurt pauses then turns to look up at him.

Finn smiles but Kurt doesn’t smile back.

“Who _are_ you?” Kurt says quietly, mostly to himself.

 _Whatever_ , Finn thinks to himself. _One less person less fighting for the beer_.

“So here are the rules,” Mike says. “We all draw a number. Whoever goes first picks a present from the pile and holds onto it unless someone takes it from you in which case you get to pick another gift from the pile or from someone else. Ready?”

So everyone draws a number and the nerdy fifties kid goes first. He goes right for the lame bowtie that Finn knows Kurt _had_ to have brought, god what a predictable brother. Bowtie guy holds it up triumphantly and smiles this huge bright smile like maybe he just won the lottery.

“Blaine, it’s a _tie_ ,” Kurt’s modeling friend — Sam, maybe? — says. “Calm down.”

“Yeah, a tie with _candy canes_ ,” he says. He actually sounds awed which, wow, Finn will never understand some people.

He feels Kurt stiffen next to him and Finn looks over to see him like, full-on staring at the bowtie kid with his mouth slightly open. This guy is wearing a grandpa sweater vest and pants that aren’t even long enough to cover his ankles and he’s nerding out over a novelty bowtie — easily the weirdest kid in the room — and Kurt can’t stop staring at him.

Finn rolls his eyes. What a predictable brother.

When it’s his turn he grabs the beer, no hesitation, but then one of Mike’s cousins takes it from him and Finn is forced to choose something else from the pile. He reluctantly grabs the Nerf Gun.

Sam takes away his Nerf Gun and Finn takes his beer back.

He loses his beer again and Finn grabs some scratch off lottery tickers until Santana grabs those and he gets to steal his reindeer beer back.

He loses the beer. Again. So he grabs a scented candle to give to his mom because hey, it saves him a gift idea. But then Quinn takes _that_ and Finn takes his beer back.

He loses the beer. He grabs a to-go travel coffee mug to give to Burt because hey, it saves him a gift idea but then he loses it to Artie. (Finn kind of wants to be an a-hole and point out that he doesn’t have cup holders in his wheelchair so what the hell could he do with it anyways but he doesn’t do that; it’s the season of giving and love and appreciating mankind and all that.)

He loses the beer and dammit, he’s also starting to lose his cool. He grabs a tin of those Swedish cookie things because _awesome_ he didn’t even see those before.

Then one guy takes a turn, Mike’s neighbor or something, and he reaches for the bowtie, laughing.

Blaine looks up from the tie that he’s been messing around with all night, barely even looking up the whole game. “Wait. What? You’re taking the bowtie?” he asks sounding thrown.

No one’s gone near that thing all night.

“Yeah,” the neighbor laughs. “It’ll go _perfect_ with my ugly sweater for my aunt’s ugly sweater party next week.”

And he narrows his eyes. The polite guy with a happy smile who’s been nice to everyone all night actually narrows his eyes. “ _Excuse you_ ,” he says sounding totally insulted. “But it’s a _fantastic_ tie.”

“Okay,” the neighbor says slowly, giving him a weird look.

Finn thinks Blaine will drop it but nope.

“It doesn’t belong at an ugly sweater party, I’ll have you know,” Blaine says, still sounding way indignant.

“Whatever, guy,” the neighbor says, rolling his eyes.

Then the game resumes.

:

At the end of the game, Finn is forlorn.

He looks around to see most people pretty stoked but a few of them look just as forlorn as Finn feels.

(Except the bowtie guy. Blaine looks straight-up bereft and _whoa buddy, just a tie_.)

Finn sees he has the beer, though, and his eyes widen. He strides over and says, “Dude, the _beer_ , switch me for the beer.”

Blaine looks over and sees the Nerf Gun hanging loosely by Finn’s side. “For a _Nerf Gun_?” he asks, incredulous. “Why would I do that?”

Finn hesitates and thinks of the best idea _ever._ “If I can score the bowtie, will you get me the beer?”

He perks up immediately and gives this huge hopeful grin. “Definitely,” he answers. “Absolutely.”

So he goes in search for the bowtie and sees Puck holding it, looking half confused and half irritated. When Finn walks over to him, Puck glances up and says, “How did I end up with this? Where the fuck are my cookies?”

Before Finn even bothers to ask for a trade, he’s already looking around the room. “Cookies,” he says quietly to himself. “Where the hell are the cookies?”

They’re hanging in Kurt’s hands and _yes_ , best news all night because Kurt _hates_ those cookies.

“Kurt, trade me for the cookies. Please, let me have the cookies.”

Kurt glances up to meet Finn’s eyes then down to the Nerf Gun in his hand.

He lets out a humorless laugh. “No. Not in a thousand years, Finn.”

“What do you want?” Finn exasperated. “Tell me what you want.”

Kurt pauses. “The frame,” he says quietly. “That’s the only thing I wanted all night.”

Finn looks around, increasingly stressed. Beer should not be this hard. He could _buy_ a six pack in the amount of time he’s spent trying to trade for it.

He sees Sam talking to Blaine, staring blankly at the glass frame in his hand.

“That frame,” Finn says as he walks up to the two of them. “What do you want for that frame?”

Sam looks up, startled, and he doesn’t even think about it before he says, “The Nerf Gun. I wanted that so bad tonight.”

Blaine immediately straightens up like maybe he knows it’s the key to finally getting his bowtie. “Seriously?” Blaine says, grinning. Then he pauses and shakes his head sadly before rolling his eyes and sighing, “ _Seriously_?”

Finn waves Kurt and Puck over and they all switch and everyone is stoked and Finn finally _finally_ grabs his beer.

Kurt’s not looking at Finn when he hands over the cookies and reaches for the frame. No, instead he’s still staring at Blaine.

Who, Finn notices, is staring right back.

“I’m glad you like the tie,” Kurt says.

Blaine blinks and smiles. “ _You_ brought this? It’s great.”

Kurt gives him a borderline-shy smile. He doesn’t say anything back.

“God, who _are_ you?” Finn says quietly, mostly to himself.

Blaine glances over to see Kurt holding the frame carefully. “I’m glad you liked the frame,” he says. “But disregard the picture. _Please_ disregard the picture.”

Kurt lets out a breathy laugh and Finn’s basically had all he can take so he leaves them there, grabbing his beer and joining Puck in the basement for a dinner of Swedish cookies and reindeer beer.

An hour later, he looks over and sees Kurt and Blaine lingering in the doorway. He stares at them quizzically for a few moments before he watches Kurt grab Blaine by the back of the neck and reel him in for a quick kiss.

Finn raises his eyebrows because uh, wow. He looks up above the doorway and sees they’re standing under a hanging bunch of mistletoe.

He looks back to the two of them, Kurt’s face a little pink and the tips of Blaine’s ears a little red, before they lean back in for round two. A way less PG-13 round two that now includes roaming hands.

Finn frowns to himself, deep in thought. His oddly demure brother and the polite nerdy guy in a sweater vest making out in plain view of like, everyone ever.

Okay, maybe not _that_ predictable then.

: : :

“Go out with me,” Blaine says in between heated kisses.

“Yes,” Kurt says back with a breathless voice. “Definitely yes.”

“I can’t believe we’ve never met before,” Blaine adds, breathing shallowly and pushing Kurt back against the door frame. “How do we know all the same people and they never thought to _mention_ you?”

“I know, right?” Kurt says, tugging at Blaine’s hips to pull him closer. “I don’t get it, either.”

: : :

(Epilogue:

Artie takes a picture of the two of them making out in the doorway. It’s a total perv move even though he claims he did it for _art_ and not because he was being a total perv.

A month later, it somehow ends up in Kurt’s glass frame, a perfect photo of them kissing under mistletoe, Blaine’s candy cane bowtie hanging uselessly around his neck.)


End file.
